THE POCKET PISSER: Repent Benedict XVI!!! You and your subhuman swine will be held accountable

Hey, it's the day after Easter! Today's a perfect day to piss in the pocket of a pontiff.  Forgive me if my aim is off this time and I hit an ear or nostril...you know how it is...some days are on target, and some days I'm just not so accurate.  

Interestingly enough, my days of bad aim tend to involve folks who are in need of a little extra of the yellow juice...so let's get on with our pocket pisser of the day.

It's hard to know where do I start with this one.  First off, the ongoing arrogance and audacity of the catholic church never ceases to amaze me...not that such a realization should be of surprise to anyone who sees outside the veil and vortex of catholicism and has an iota of capacity to think for themselves.

Apparently feelings among church officials have been hurt with respect to the timing of YET MORE accounts of sexual abuse of altar boys.

Gosh my dearest pope, cardinals, and priests - I'm so sorry your holy week and Easter parade was rained upon with this news.

The reaction of the catholic church, and its lack of sensitivity to these latest accounts -- part of an ongoing nightmare for many coming out with their stories for the first time -- literally nauseates me.  

Nevertheless, I got one little question here. 

Why isn't more being done to expose these predators who were part of the church?  Why aren't arrests being made?  Seriously, WHY?  For those who did the acts, were accomplices, aided, or abetted, explain to me what makes them immune to arrest?  

Here's an excellent article by Roland Martin of CNN on the matter.

If this involved Protestants, Muslims, Jews, Buddhists, or another religion, there would be arrests, right?  So what makes the the catholic church so special, besides its glorious history of hypocrisy, ruling by fear, and persecuting other religions?  Oh, and I guess you can add hundreds, if not thousands of accounts of altar boy molestation and sodomy to that list...and those are only the incidents we know about.  Sadly, common wisdom would point to acts happening for hundreds of years.

Consider me the latest heretic.  I'm sick and tired of seeing these soulless cowards and subhuman swine who pose as false heroes and men of God (give me a break) get away with these acts. 

EXPOSE & ARREST!!! 

We're beyond damage control and trying to repair credibility.  I hope the whole goddam f'n church implodes in on itself and goes up in flames.  Rest assured that I'll be doing a victory dance and cooking smores at the weenie roast...with a bottle of the blood of Christ in the other hand...then I'll piss in the pontiff's pocket...that is, if I can find one through the assortment of robes and gold chains. 

THE POCKET PISSER -- Mobile Tech Dummies (MTDs)

It's the new public enemy #1...you might say I've finally had it.

Today we're pissing in the pockets of the Mobile Tech Dummies (MTDs) of the world.

After hearing about the train conductor in Los Angeles who was text messaging 22 seconds before a head-on collision occurred with another train, it reminded me of the reason why I limit my use of mobile technology...and why my annoyances with MTDs is more justified than ever before.

You might say the definition of a train wreck has been retooled with the alleged carelessness exercised by the erroneous behavior of that conductor, if in fact he was not paying attention while text messaging. The evidence is there.

To begin with, I seldom text message. It's not my thing...but I understand why other peeps do it. It's a good way to perform quick communique without having to speak to someone, or a way for co-workers to send quick reminders in the middle of an office meeting (which may or may not be a good thing). I get it. I'm not into it, but I get it.

Now let me tell you what I don't get. I don't get it when I see peeps living their lives through their mobile devices...and that's totally a perception issue...because, literally, there are some out there who seem to have their device popping off every second, or they're busy sending a message.

I don't get that...I don't get those MTDs walking around, their heads down and both thumbs clicking like mad on the gadget. I've nearly been run over by them on the streets because they weren't watching where they were going...one time I decided not to alter my course, and let one bump into me just to prove a point.

My next step, when that happens again, is to swipe the gadget out of the MTD's hands and launch the stupid thing into orbit.

So, if you haven't figured it out by now, I hereby DECLARE WAR ON MTDs!!!

Now let me tell you what is TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE. When it comes to operating equipment such as any sort of vehicle, the line must be drawn there. Many laws have popped up all over the country to this effect...but that doesn't mean that the laws are being followed. In my state, where talking on your phone while you drive is illegal, I still see it happening on the road everywhere I go...and it's usually the driver serving all over the road in front of me.

Oh, that also applies to operating trains, my dearest train conductors of the world (monkey train conductors are exempt, of course).

So for those of you who are curious, or clueless, here's 10 of Sweva's helpful list of MTD ettiquette:

1. Turn your gadget off in the movie theater, or put it on buzz.
2. Don't be rude to your family, friends, and sig other...when out on a date or at dinner, turn the thing off.
   
3. Take it outside when you're in a restaurant.
4. Keep it down on public transit...listening to someone talk about their life story on the bus into the city is BEYOND ANNOYING.
5. Turn it off when you go to bed...unless you're really anticipating a call, or maybe it has an alarm device on it.
6. Leave it at home when on vacation, or if you must have it, keep use to a minimum...I'm always puzzled how someone lying on a beach vacationing feels compelled to remain so connected...better yet, go out of the country, where you may not be able to use it anyway...which goes back to what I first said...in leaving the stupid thing at home.
7. Follow the flight attendant's instructions and turn it off on the plane.
   
8. Don't phone or text while driving.
9. Don't phone or text while operating a locomotive.
10. If you can't follow any of these suggestions, I'm guessing your consideration for others is completely out the window...so you might as well have the stupid gadget surgically attached to your face, because it's all we know of you anyway.
    

So what's the moral of the story? Chill out on the technology...seriously. The same way you wouldn't get in on a mortgage that's too high, and the same way you'd get away from a job that's ruining you...don't let it run your life. It's a device...a tool...not your God.

Hope that helps! Text away...but keep it out of my path, or you'll get the hose turned on you and you'll end up with a busted gadget (see the future of your device pictured above, following your encounter with me on the street).

Oh, and you'll probably want to send your pants to the cleaners.

THE POCKET PISSER -- NASCAR: I don’t get it...even a little.

As a series similar to The Bozo Bus, The Pocket Pisser targets groups or institutions whose behavior, policies, and /or principles are in need of review and critique (opposed to an individual Bozo). That's not to say that any group in question doesn't have Bozos in it; they more than likely do. We can only hope that The Bozo Bus will get around to them eventually, but the clowns have a regimented schedule to adhere to (no scoffing now, snooty peeps---many of the clowns wear ties to work just like the rest of you).

So today we’re pissing in the pockets of the NASCAR world, because I just don’t understand what in God’s name is appealing about this sport. Is it an adrenaline junkie thing? Moreover, it tends to attract the uneducated hicks, snaggletoothed lowlifes and degenerates of the world; even a few notches below that of hardcore NFL football fans… and as I just wrote that, in my universe I can’t think of a greater insult in the “sports world,” if NASCAR even qualifies as one in the first place. This all begs even more questions…

The sport seems to require zero brains cells to watch. If I’m ever flipping through the channels and bump into it, I move on. If I stay on the channel for even a few seconds (usually by mistake), or in the rare occasion I find myself trapped in a sports bar watching it, I can only take a few minutes of it at most. I simply go away feeling more stupid than before watching it. After witnessing the images on the screen going around on a track, my head starts to get dizzy and the thoughts about the excessive gas consumption and environmental impact disgust me. The noise and smoke from the emissions seem unbearable, but perhaps the folks in the crowd are immune to it by now. To that effect, when I see the television cameras scanning over the crowd, honing in on some of the folks, I say to myself “Oooooookaaaaaay” and try desparately to escape so I can move onto something else. I realize that's a blanket judgment of sorts, but let's be real---there's a reason this sport was bred out of the South, along with plenty of other cultural attributes we can all be proud of as Americans (excuse me, I just choked on my torpedo of King Cobra).

I once worked with a guy who was a big fan of NASCAR, who said he lived for it every weekend while it was on—he just couldn’t wait for the weekend races to occur. First, I’ll say with certainty that this man did not graduate from Harvard. I don't claim to be any brainiac myself, but maybe the education factor bears some weight here. So we had a discussion and I posed my questions to him, essentially trying to figure out how you could even classify NASCAR as a sport. I explained that my definition of a sport contains some sort of athletic movement of the body on a court or field, but his definition was more expanded. He argued that NASCAR involved the skill of driving, and while I responded in agreement, my caveat was: “However, if that were the case, my commute to work every day would then officially need to be labeled a sport.”

Just for shits and giggles, let’s see what the Free Dictionary by Farlex has to say about the definition of a sport:

sport (spôrt, sprt)

n.

1.

a. Physical activity that is governed by a set of rules or customs and often engaged in competitively.

b. A particular form of this activity.

2. An activity involving physical exertion and skill that is governed by a set of rules or customs and often undertaken competitively.

3. An active pastime; recreation.

So maybe part 3 of the definition then answers one of my questions, and while it barely qualifies it, it seems that it technically qualifies NASCAR as an official sport. So there ya go good ‘ol boys, enjoy your fuel consuming, noise nuisance low level brain hum on yer weekends. Miller High Life hath shall flow unending.

Moving on, I’d like to peer into another room and highlight for a moment the environmental end of this sport. Wikipedia has the following to say about the environmental impacts of NASCAR.

According to NASCAR, about 6,000 US gallons of fuel are consumed during a typical NEXTEL Cup weekend. ^[12] For the 2006 season, which includes 36 points races, the total for the season would be 216,000 US gallons. One environmental critic recently estimated NASCAR's total fuel consumption across all series at 2 million US gallons (7.57 million liters) of gas for one season; ^[13] however, the methodology used has been a point of dispute.

At race speeds, NEXTEL Cup cars get 2 to 5 miles per gallon. ^{[14] [15] [16]} Consumption under caution can be estimated at 14-18 mpg, based on comparable engines generally available to the public. Interestingly, the rate of fuel consumption tends to be the same regardless of the actual speeds of the cars, as teams change gear ratios for each race to ensure that the engine always operates in its optimum power band; however, the fuel mileage will vary for each race, depending on the maximum speeds attained.

The consumption figures above provide no insight on environmental impact in terms of emissions. NASCAR vehicles are generally unregulated by the EPA, and in particular, they have no mufflers, catalytic converters or other emissions control devices. However, some local short tracks which run under NASCAR sanction require certain emissions control devices. Many short tracks run mufflers in compliance with noise ordinances at some tracks; in the early years of the Craftsman Truck Series, some races were held at venues which required mufflers, a requirement still used in some Busch East, AutoZone West, and Whelen Modified races.

NASCAR continued to use lead additives in its race gasoline until the 2007 Daytona 500, which led to concerns about the health of those exposed to the fumes of the cars (fans and residents living near the race tracks). Lead is a well-known environmental risk, but the performance needs of race engines (in particular, the high compression ratios) once made it difficult to switch to unleaded fuel.

So there you have it, and nothing I read here surprises me, as I would never expect anyone involved in this "sport" to even consider the environmental impact. It simply has no place in their brain capacity.

So, in conclusion, my only real intention here was to simply bring the topic to bear and expose my thoughts and observations on this corner of the universe. It looks like the whole western United States needs to drink a gallon of King Cobra (or Old Engish 800, or even water, take your pick) and venture into the South... we have LOTS of pockets to piss in!

All zippers down please and wait for my signal. S