THE POCKET PISSER -- Mobile Tech Dummies (MTDs)

It's the new public enemy #1...you might say I've finally had it.

Today we're pissing in the pockets of the Mobile Tech Dummies (MTDs) of the world.

After hearing about the train conductor in Los Angeles who was text messaging 22 seconds before a head-on collision occurred with another train, it reminded me of the reason why I limit my use of mobile technology...and why my annoyances with MTDs is more justified than ever before.

You might say the definition of a train wreck has been retooled with the alleged carelessness exercised by the erroneous behavior of that conductor, if in fact he was not paying attention while text messaging. The evidence is there.

To begin with, I seldom text message. It's not my thing...but I understand why other peeps do it. It's a good way to perform quick communique without having to speak to someone, or a way for co-workers to send quick reminders in the middle of an office meeting (which may or may not be a good thing). I get it. I'm not into it, but I get it.

Now let me tell you what I don't get. I don't get it when I see peeps living their lives through their mobile devices...and that's totally a perception issue...because, literally, there are some out there who seem to have their device popping off every second, or they're busy sending a message.

I don't get that...I don't get those MTDs walking around, their heads down and both thumbs clicking like mad on the gadget. I've nearly been run over by them on the streets because they weren't watching where they were going...one time I decided not to alter my course, and let one bump into me just to prove a point.

My next step, when that happens again, is to swipe the gadget out of the MTD's hands and launch the stupid thing into orbit.

So, if you haven't figured it out by now, I hereby DECLARE WAR ON MTDs!!!

Now let me tell you what is TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE. When it comes to operating equipment such as any sort of vehicle, the line must be drawn there. Many laws have popped up all over the country to this effect...but that doesn't mean that the laws are being followed. In my state, where talking on your phone while you drive is illegal, I still see it happening on the road everywhere I go...and it's usually the driver serving all over the road in front of me.

Oh, that also applies to operating trains, my dearest train conductors of the world (monkey train conductors are exempt, of course).

So for those of you who are curious, or clueless, here's 10 of Sweva's helpful list of MTD ettiquette:

1. Turn your gadget off in the movie theater, or put it on buzz.
2. Don't be rude to your family, friends, and sig other...when out on a date or at dinner, turn the thing off.
   
3. Take it outside when you're in a restaurant.
4. Keep it down on public transit...listening to someone talk about their life story on the bus into the city is BEYOND ANNOYING.
5. Turn it off when you go to bed...unless you're really anticipating a call, or maybe it has an alarm device on it.
6. Leave it at home when on vacation, or if you must have it, keep use to a minimum...I'm always puzzled how someone lying on a beach vacationing feels compelled to remain so connected...better yet, go out of the country, where you may not be able to use it anyway...which goes back to what I first said...in leaving the stupid thing at home.
7. Follow the flight attendant's instructions and turn it off on the plane.
   
8. Don't phone or text while driving.
9. Don't phone or text while operating a locomotive.
10. If you can't follow any of these suggestions, I'm guessing your consideration for others is completely out the window...so you might as well have the stupid gadget surgically attached to your face, because it's all we know of you anyway.
    

So what's the moral of the story? Chill out on the technology...seriously. The same way you wouldn't get in on a mortgage that's too high, and the same way you'd get away from a job that's ruining you...don't let it run your life. It's a device...a tool...not your God.

Hope that helps! Text away...but keep it out of my path, or you'll get the hose turned on you and you'll end up with a busted gadget (see the future of your device pictured above, following your encounter with me on the street).

Oh, and you'll probably want to send your pants to the cleaners.